Throughout my life, I have had a problem with control. I am a self professed control freak. I like to be in control of how I spend my time, the way in which I live my life, control of my finances, and really anything that affects my life. Coming to the realization that the only thing you can control in your life is you, and then feeling as if that's the one thing you don't control, in terms of your emotions, is quite difficult at times.
I'm reading a book right now called "The Shift" by Dr. Wayne Dyer that speaks about moving from ambition to meaning. In the first few chapters, Dyer gives a great explanation of our ego. 'Ego' is a word most often thought to have a negative connotation to it, but all ego really means is that which we think should be, or the expectations that we have for ourselves - the standard by which we measure our self worth. Instead of just being, however that looks, we think we must behave in a certain way consistent with society's norms, or that we must attain certain goals to be a valuable human being, or that we must be loved by those we love in order to be considered worthwhile. But the truth is, all of that is bullshit, and when we let go of the need to control and our expectations, then we are free to just be ourselves without any labels.
I've spent a lot of my life being hurt by other people. Letting the judgments and opinions of others hurt me or control my thoughts about myself and my worth as an individual. To let go of the expectation that people I love should love me back is a daily struggle that I deal with, some days in better ways than others. Why is it that we look for validation of our self-worth in the eyes of others, instead of looking at ourselves in the mirror and knowing that we are good enough as we are? Why must we measure our worth or happiness against any standards whatsoever, instead of just being in the moment and knowing that is good enough?
We cannot control others, we cannot control society, and there are many things that happen to us in life that we cannot control even though they involve us directly. The only thing we CAN control is how we view ourselves, our own actions, and what we will tolerate in our lives. We can choose to be good enough just as we are, and we can choose to let go of our hurt and anger towards anyone who thinks otherwise. It's not easy to give into "the shift" towards a life of meaning; to know that you are good enough just as you are despite what others might think - but with practice and patience, it can be done.
At the end of the day, know that YOU ARE GOOD ENOUGH just as you are! Let go of the sadness and anger towards anyone who thinks differently - you can't control their thoughts anyway so you might as well not be bothered by them either. Give yourself time each day to heal your heart from all the pain when you've felt you didn't measure up. Choose to live in the here and now, not in the past or future. And remember - only YOU can validate your own worth!